Performing Arts

As many of you may know, I have my Bachelor's degree in Art. Like any artist, my art form has changed over the years. I went from focusing my art into painting and drawing, pottery, and mixed media arts. Mainly two-dimensional to moving into performing art, which is what I do now. I still draw and do pottery, but it isn't my main focus anymore. To be honest, if you had told me I would move into performing art two years ago when I was starting my senior semester in college, I would have thought you were crazy. But here I am.

The problem that I have always felt about performing arts is the fact that so often they have to have a point, or be ridiculously outlandish or unique, or had to be defended by photography and essays. And it's the problem that I still have, and the reason that I've decided to write this. I'm not always a performing artist. A lot of times I'm more of an actress or an entertainer. But regardless, I always try to keep more of the performance part to my art. And yes, I still document. (You're reading this right? I've just documented it then!) There are photographs, blogs, posts, and stories that I've written. I have personal essays (no, they aren't ready to be shared yet) waiting to leave the pages of my journal. And like all performance artists I'm misunderstood. I get categorized as an entertainer, as someone whose hobby is excessive, a dreamer, an actress. And to some degree, I am all of the above. But what I do is more. It's more because being a mermaid is my life. I don't act like a mermaid. I don't entertain like a mermaid. I AM A MERMAID. Secondly, I have a message to my work. I do what I do for a reason. I don't just don a tail and swim because it's fun. It's so much more to me than that. And finally, there is pain and sacrifice to my work. One of the ways that I have always felt that art is different is because there is some kind of sacrifice (monetarily, emotionally, physically, intellectually, time-wise). It's not necessarily a bad thing, but it's necessary. Take for example the person that knits a simple scarf. That's not necessarily art. And knitting is an action, not art (just like painting is the action, not necessarily art). However, the girl that knits a gorgeous sweater that takes hours and has an intricate pattern or design...that's art. Or making a blanket. Simply sewing a blanket together isn't art. But quilting would be art. Sewing can repair pants, or can create a gorgeous costume or dress. The difference is the sacrifice. The time, the effort, the emotions, the cost. And that's where what I do becomes performance art as opposed to just entertaining.

First of all, being a mermaid is my life. I think mermaid, sleep mermaid, dream mermaid, act mermaid.....It actually consumes the greater part of my life. And it goes beyond the pool. Everyday I'm working on something to advance my skills as a mermaid. I work on my mission statement, goals, image. And sometimes, like lots of artist, I stare at my bathroom ceiling and try to remember some long forgotten past-life. I choose mermaid-inspired things when I go shopping (like opting for Goldfish crackers instead of Ritz or choosing the blue makeup bag because it reminds me of the ocean). I have even tried to develop my own personality to be more mermaid like. Sure, some of my tendencies are natural...but most I had to teach myself. I wasn't always confident, outspoken, or comfortable with myself. And every mermaid that I've seen has those qualities. I had to spend so much time re-training myself to be that way. Even my house is full of mermaids. In fact, my entire bedroom has mermaid and ocean themed things from floor to ceiling. (At some point in time, I will take and post pictures.) I chose that room to transform since I spend most of my time here.

Second, I have a message. Personally I am trying to remind EVERYONE that you can truly be what you dream. It doesn't matter what size you are, what you look like, what people say (or think), or what society says is right. According to some, I might be too fat to be a mermaid. But that's their business, not mine. I can say that I have been just as successful as many "thin" mermaids in the community, so I have achieved that goal.  I want to remind people that magic still exists. That the world is still full of wonder, dreams, and all of those things we believed in when we were 5. They still exist, we just chose not to see them anymore. Dreams are real. Your imagination is real. Magic is real. And I'm living proof.

Finally, there is sacrifice that goes into my work. Money, time, and effort only scratch the surface. As many of you know, I'm a type 1 diabetic. Although my doctor wouldn't agree, I can honestly tell you that MANY times I have gone without eating or without testing my blood sugars in the name of my art. Why? Because I don't want to take time away from my art in order to do so (oh yeah, and going to the bathroom is extremely hard in a silicone tail!). And then there's the sacrifice of comfort. If you think being in a silicone tail for hours is comfortable without being able to walk or go to the bathroom....think again. It's hot, usually sweaty, my toes get all pruney, I have permanent scars on the tops of my feet from where the monofin rubs since I'm always bruising them. And to perform it requires a great deal of physical strength. The tail is 35 pounds. But even before I had silicone, binding your legs is restrictive and makes things more difficult. When you add the weight to the equation, it has taken a lot of time to adjust to wearing it. Often when I perform (especially at dry events) I'm often in some pain. And that's okay. Because its all part of the sacrifice I make for my art form. Without the pain, I wouldn't be a real mermaid. In the Hans Christian Anderson story, Ariel feels like she is stepping on knives, and it's the same to transform from a woman to a mermaid. Except for I'm swimming (or hopping or crawling) with weights and pins and needles. No pain, no gain. And without it, I don't think this would truly be art.

So I'm not here necessarily to make everyone smile and to make all the children happy. I'm here to share a message. I'm here to perform, but I'm also here to push the envelope. I'm here to remind people that beauty is more than skin deep and that dreams are possible. When someone encounters me, I don't just want them to see a girl in a costume, I want them to see a real mermaid. And that's what I strive for every day. Because that's what I am on the inside. A mermaid.